Being hot is not all it takes to get by in life.
This comes as somewhat of a surprise. Weird, huh? I always assumed that once you reached a certain level of hotness, people bowed down and gave you money and appreciation and snacks constantly. As it turns out, what really happens when you are hot is that you receive a lot of phone numbers written on scraps of napkin. Usually the guys who are giving you their phone numbers are not very attractive, but they drive a lexus (or claim to) and think that if they wave a few dollars around, you will decide to go on a date with them. On that note, I really wish I knew what was passing through the minds of the much-older men who ask me, daily, to go home with them. I think some people just have a bad grasp on reality. In their world they are not fat and bald and fifty-something, or in their world it doesn't matter that they're fat and bald and fifty-something, because all girls really want are twenty-dollar bills and rides in semi-fancy cars.
Things that looking hot WILL NOT DO FOR YOU:
1.) Get you a job that pays much more than minimum wage
2.) Keep you from getting fired from your minimum wage job when it turns out that you are slow and bad at remembering the names of coffee drinks
3.) Make the workers at the department of economic security more sympathetic to your cause
4.) Pay your rent
5.) Feed your cat
6.) Wash your dishes
I really need to go back to school.
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I can't speak for all lonely old pervy men but what goes on in my own head is a combination of loneliness, boredom, desire for lively companionship, need to prove oneself sexually, to see if we still "have it," or maybe because we find certain young women nice to be around. The cliches are also probably true: arm candy, trophy wife, etc. etc. and on and on. It has potential to be wrong and sick and so on, but there are some older men who genuinely seek companionship, love, commitment. An old man hitting on a young woman may be a pervert or he may just have forgotten how to approach a woman or he may just be caught up in the confusion of his age...turning 50 or 60 is not necessarily an easy thing, because you realize that you're not competitive in life any more. Your wife if you have one gives you precious little attention, much less sex, and your career has probably plateaued somewhere short of where you wanted it to be, and maybe your friends are dying or wandering away. It gets lonely. I'm not justifying rape or coercion or anything bad, negative or downright evil. I'm just asking beautiful young women to look more carefully before passing judgement on us dirty old men, because maybe we're not really so dirty, and deep down inside, we are not so old. Inside, I still feel like I'm 14, even though I'm pushing sixty. Never in a thousand years would I have imagined that I would still feel so young at this age. Anyway, please forgive the long and possibly offensive post, but you did ask and I have thought about this for awhile now, and I thought you should know.
ReplyDeleteAngry Carp: you make good points, and I don't doubt that older men can be decent and youthfully-spirited people, but that doesn't make it any more realistic for any older man to get me to spend the night with him (or even just get my phone number.) Most beautiful young women are constantly being hit on by men both young and old, and most beautiful young women (despite stereotypes) aren't really gold-diggers or interested in becoming trophy wives. So, any older, richer man who tries to play the money card to get me to come home with him just offends me, and any older guy who tries to flirt with me just to see if he "still has it" apparently doesn't understand that there are flirtatious men everywhere and I'm fed up with them (unless they are so attractive or so witty that they really stand out.) All that said, I'm really not passing judgment on older men- I just don't welcome their sexual advances. For the record, I don't welcome the sexual advances of the vast majority of young men, either.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'd like to point out that this has two sides: if you are asking young women to not judge you harshly for your age and appearance, then why should you judge any young woman for her appearance? Why not pursue a less-attractive young woman who is more often overlooked, rather than going for the pretty girl who already has too many men to deal with?
To answer your question, I might pursue the beautiful woman because she's beautiful (at first, yes) but also in the hope that she is also intelligent, compassionate, fun, pleasant to be around. I recognize the whole thesis behind your blog, that it's hard to be beautiful. I get that. Sexual politics aside, I still believe beautiful women have something to offer behind their appearance. Ultimately a relationship is spiritual--believe me the sex goes away pretty quick, even when you're young. If I were an old man looking for a meaningful relationship, why NOT choose to interact with beautiful young women? The problem for you seems to be that your pursuers are too blunt, too crude, too aggressive. So here's the question for you, Molly Allium: How should an older man approach and younger woman (beautiful or not) so that he does not frighten her away and so he has a chance to build a relationship with her?
ReplyDeleteI have been meaning to reply to this for awhile but this blog only takes up about 5% of my thoughts so it is easy to forget/put it off.
ReplyDeleteAnyway- I think the most important thing for older men to remember is that appearance does count. That is, after all, why you folks are coming after me, right? Because I'm attractive. I expect you to take a stab at attractiveness as well. Staying in shape and dressing nicely is a must. If you cannot do this, then we are not cut out to be anything more than friends.
Secondly, I don't want to be flirted with right off the bat. This goes for young men as well as older ones. No sexual advances, please don't even ask me out to dinner just yet. You may ask me out to coffee if we have hit upon some subject of mutual interest which I might like to discuss more. Just make sure there is NO hint of desperation or neediness in the way you approach me, talk to me, or invite me to do anything with you. That's just not sexy. At all. Don't bug me for my phone number either- I don't like giving it to strangers, even if they seem nice. You may give me yours and if I am genuinely interested in what we have talked about, I may give you a call.
Third, if you really want me to be interested enough to give you a call, you need to do something really interesting, or show me something really interesting. For example: I recently met an older gentlemen (probably in his fifties) carrying a portfolio of artwork. Artwork intrigues me, so I got to talking to him and ended up with his phone number and really do think I'm going to call him because I liked his artwork and wish to see more of it. The fact that I'm going to call him absolutely does not guarantee any romantic feelings will develop, but it is an important first step and you won't get anywhere else without it.
Hmmm that's all I can think of for now..
Thanks. I'll give that some thought.
ReplyDelete